oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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