I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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