Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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