All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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