a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
