I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
