she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
