I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
