It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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