im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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