If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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