Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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