Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
