Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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