why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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