It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
