wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
