grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
