A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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