i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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