i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
