Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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