my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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