Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
