my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
