Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Randomize
