i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
