Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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