Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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