So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
