i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The Olympian is in my bed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
