i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
