so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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