My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
