My pussy is not your playground.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
