i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
