dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
