Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
