I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
