a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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