i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Farmville is her only friend.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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