did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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