The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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