you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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