it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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