so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
