How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
