I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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