Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
