hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
