weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
