I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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