im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
