so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
